There are nights where I just lay in my bed and think.
One of these nights, I couldn’t help but savor the quietness of the suburb. It’s different.. I think I took for granted the lack of noise pollution in San Jose compared to Irvine. In Irvine, I could stand in the middle of an empty room in the middle of the night and I would still feel on edge, a city-made hum filling my ears and mirroring the state of my mind.
Here at home home, I can’t help but fully enjoy the silence. I come home at night, and I look up, and all I see are stars. The only sound that I hear in those moments are the sounds of crickets and frogs communing in serenade as I walk past the bushes bordering the walkway to the front door. It’s so beautiful. It’s so quiet.
The silence makes me aware, though, to things that I usually ignore. One of these things is a ring.
If you know me well enough, you know that I lost hearing in my left ear around 10 or 11 years ago. This means that I can’t hear anything in it, besides extremely muffled speech (think a less-clear Charlie Brown’s parents) and vibrations in the form of beats and such. Another symptom of this hearing loss was that I received a constant and high-pitched ringing in my left ear. It’s similar to what movies portray as the ring someone hears after gunfire or bombing occurs in close proximity, except that it’s been ten years since I’ve had any rest from it.
Although I’ve been accustomed to just block it out during my everyday activities and tasks, when I’m in complete silence, I can’t help but hear it. It’s amplified, filling my mind with its high pitch and incessant presence. It’s kinda annoying, honestly.
But I trust that God will reveal to me, in time, the purpose for my hearing loss. I’m not sure exactly why right now, and I wonder from time to time whether I’ll even get to hear from my left ear anytime in the future, but I’m confident that God knows. And I’m chill with that.